I have never been a big fan of birthdays. I, in fact, only have one happy birthday memory. Now it is important to note that lack of happy does not necessarily mean unhappy, it just means a lack of affirmatively happy memories. Now my one happy memory of my birthday was only happy due to a piano player, The Undertaker, and Glenn the bartender. Other than that I have a bunch of neutral memories, one sad memory and then starting 6 years ago, shitty memories. But I digress....no I don't....tomorrow is the day formerly known as my birthday, but that I have rechristened Chemo Christmas and I find that we are right back where we have been, but thought we weren't.
That's right sports fans, we are going back into the world of treatment. For the last 9 months I have been working diligently to make myself forget all those treatments, days/nights/weeks in the hospital, Kaiser, UCSF, bone marrow, surgeries, hair loss, anti-nausea meds, fear, fear, fear, and fear. I had almost even convinced myself that I did not remember what it felt like to get kicked in the parent nuts.
To give a quick summary since I have not written in a while, last summer Cole had the big surgery at UCSF and then had to go on a crazy low fat diet due to issues from the surgery. But (and this shows what a bananannas life we live in and how our perspective of "normal" is all messed up) other than that, we have not had any C-word stuff for quite a while. He has been in school, making friends, playing basketball, and generally loving life. Well now that is about to change.
This week we had scans. The CT came back clean. The MIBG came back with a new spot in the lower back. This i,s to quote the, apparently, visionaries of the future, a most heinous turn of events. It means that our plan of do nothing and have a great life is not to be. Next week I will meet with the team and Kaiser and figure out what our treatment options are.
Let me just say that Cancer sucks. I don't mean it sucks like Cauliflower sucks. I don't mean that it sucks like the Nets suck. I don't mean that it sucks like ties suck. I don't even mean that it sucks like 45 sucks. I mean that it sucks more than anything else ever. In fact if you take all the sucky things that have ever existed and add them all up, you still will not have the suckness of Cancer.
When I told Cole about the new scans, he, of course, took it in stride. I often wish I had half his strength.
I will try to update after we decide what to do, but my ability to write is based in large part in the amount and type of alcohol I have at my disposal so if you are a fan, send booze. Also make yourself a drink and toast Cole, the boy who lived.