Dude, Cancer sucks. I will prove it to you.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017


To sum up:

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful kid
That started from this San Mateo,
Inside this tiny house.

The kid was a bad ass dude,
The Dad brave and sure.
Five family members fight this fight
For six long years,
For six long years.

His health started getting rough
The tiny boy was diagnosed
If not for the support of family and friends
The family would be lost.
The family would be lost.

(In case you didn't already, go back and re read the above to the tune of Gilligan's Island)

In case that did not make sense to anyone let me splain to ju a leetle better.  We have been treatment free for some number of months that is more than 1 and less than 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 (Ask Elisa the correct number as I don't do "exact" or "right" or "accurate" or "true" or """".  During that glorious indeterminate number of months we loaded up our schedules with baseball (all 3 boys), basketball (2 boys), soccer (1 boy), dance (1 boy), a new teaching job for me, and coaching two basketball teams (me).  Now is the time when you send flowers, Starbucks Gift Cards, a nice Pinot Grigio, or a bottle of Aboslut Citron to my bad ass wife as she has borne the brunt of the ensuing chaos.

Howevers, a new spot has emerged and we are back in the treatment world.  We were given 3 offers.  We rejected, as Office Space taught me, the first offer out of hand.  For the other two I will break them down into relevant portions for your convenience (no thanks needed.  If you want to the know the specifics and science behind them...too bad).  The first is a pill that is taken once per day and has not shown any side effects.  Of course it also is very early in the experimental testing phase and has not shown any actual curative results yet.  The second is the super trendy ch14.18ILT which is an immunotherapy with a chemo kicker.  This has shown significant positive results and is FDA approved which means, I think, that we can get it from the Taco Bell drive-thru now (might be mistaken on the last part).  Down side is that it means 1 out of every 3 weeks he is in the hospital inpatient, there is guaranteed serious nerve pain (which I never understood that term.  Isn't all pain nerve pain?  I never took anatomy but my basic Arizona High School education leads me to believe that pain is what the nerves do), possible hair loss, general shitty feeling, and possible inability to go to school during non-hospital weeks.

What to choose? What to choose?  First of all I would like James Earl Jones to read my blog into an audio book.  That is what I choose.  Second, after deep consideration, a number of d20 rolls, mediation (or was it meditation?), and the obligatory throwing of the bones, we came to the conclusion that, like backyard chickens, if some is good then more must be better.  So we are doing the pill until summer then, assuming no change or negative results, we will jump on the bandwagon and start eating the chalupa14.18.

Because of all this, I have decided (for those of you who didn't know this won't make sense, but not in the way that most of what I say doesn't make sense) to resign my professorship effective Friday.  From that moment forward I will no longer be tasked with the shaping of tomorrow's leaders.  Probably for the best.

Now I know that most of you are asking yourselves, your pets, your sig oths what you can do to help.  While all the normal stuff helps (prayers, thoughts, new Tesla for me to drive him to the doctor, etc.) here is where you can really help me the most.  I've got Cole.  We know this business and are, unfortunately that we know this, very good at this game.  D&D is being crafted, games assembled, and pringles purchased.  If you want to help, send Elisa some flowers.  Send Logan and Ollie some toys.  Go play with them.  Make them feel like they are not second fiddle to this whole experience.  They will be off this summer and will have to endure, again, a house that is in the business of hospitals and cancer and all that stupid shit.  We need to make sure they enjoy their summer.  Take them hiking.  Take them to the park.  Pick them up for a play date.  Fly them to AZ to attend basketball camp.  Build legos with them.  Dance with them.  Help them keep and define their childhood as their own.  That is how you can help.

So today I ask you to raise your glasses and toast my family, because they deserve it.


  1. You're an amazing dad, Jim. Hi to the family and wanted to let you know we are always thinking of Cole.

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