4-26-11

You know I can handle the vomit (although thankfully there has not been that much, and even less on my watch), watching the needles go in, watching blood transfusions, hair loss, etc.  Mind you it is not easy, and I do not mean to make light of all the crap we are going through, but at the end of the day, I can handle it.  I can deal with making plans for surgery, stem cell transfusion, and multiple consecutive sessions of radiation with no problem.  I can deal with all of these big things, but it is the little stuff that kills me.

Today I was at the oncology clinic (more on that later) with Cole and I saw a little girl about Cole’s age walking with an ever so slight limp.  All of a sudden I was filled with guilt at the memory of an unaware dad pulling his son through the streets of San Francisco and trying to force him to “walk normal.”  How was I supposed to know that he had a monster eating him from the inside out?  My main thinking brain knows that I could not have known; however that does not alleviate the guilt.

Also the last few nights Cole has asked me to scratch his back.  Laying there in his bed scratching his back took me back to the time before diagnosis when the only think that would help Cole sleep or just stop crying for a minute or two was for me to scratch him (his ass specifically).  I remember feeling a little bitter that I was not getting a good night sleep because I had to lay on that uncomfortable futon mattress for hours on end.  Now when I come out of scratching his back I feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

OK we are done with that, and with feeling sorry for ourselves for now.  On to the updates…  Today Cole and I went to the clinic to meet with Dr. Taggart and get his labs drawn.  For the previous 24 hours Cole had been kind of droopy and did not really have an appetite.  As soon as Dr. Taggert walked into the exam room, she noticed that he looked a little pale and said he would probably need a transfusion. 

Sure enough our normal 20 minute clinic visit turned into a 4 hour tour…a 4 hour tour.  Fortunately we had the run of the place which means that we had uninterrupted use of the large screen TV to play Wii on.  That is a mischaracterization of what happened.  You see, I had gone to get lunch and all Cole wanted was ice cream.  So while Cole ate his ice cream, he directed me on how and what to play on the Wii.  Then, after he was done eating, he was so cold from being in a doctor’s office (seriously why does it have to be so cold?) and eating ice cream, and getting blood (they said the blood was cold…is that why Cole has started growing scales?) that he just wrapped himself in his blanket and continued to direct me.  I was very fortunate to have a good Wii coach, and I must say that I performed admirably on Wii playground.  

Back at home later this afternoon, Cole was feeling better but had problems eating his homemade hamburger, fries, and pickle due to his mouth sore which is right on the front of his tongue (looking back maybe a bunch of salty foods were not the best menu choice).  The plan for tomorrow is for him to eat some egos and then try and find some fairly bland food to try and get his calories up.

Also I am pleased to provide a little update on the May 13^th fundraiser dinner in San Bruno.  As of right now the auction will be a silent, blind (not sure the exact verbage) auction.  This means that each item will have a box attached to it.  If you want to place a bid, you will put in a piece of paper with your name and amount.  At the end of the night, I will figure out who has the winning bid for each item and contact that person.  We already have some pretty cool stuff.  We have a signed Giants’ Jersey (Aaron Rowan), a gift card to Draegers, a gift card to Half Moon Bay Brewery, a gift card to 231 Ellsworth, a few passes to the Discovery Museum in Sausalito, some skate gear from Atlas Skate Shop in San Bruno, some items from San Mateo Lock Works, a cake from Kathy’s Kreative Kakes, and I am sure there are others that I can’t remember off the top of my head, but please come by and have some awesome spaghetti and bid on some items.

For now; however, please raise your glasses and toast Cole, Veterinarian.