2-5-11

2-5-11

Cole spent all day resting.  The back to back to back nature of his three tests really wore him out.  The doctors have all told us that he is recovering from the surgery well, but it has been tough on us (probably more so on Elisa.  If I were a mother, I would have crumbled long ago.  She amazes me every day) to see him just lie there.  I was hoping to get him upright in a chair, but he is still just too tired.  He still has not eaten, but we have been able to get enough fluids into his system that he is getting closer and closer to being sufficiently hydrated.  Unfortunately we had to put in a catheter to empty the bladder, which was not a pleasant experience for him.

Julia, Elisa and I ordered some Itialiano food that was very surprisingly awesome.  The chicken parmesan was very yummy.  I was happy and relieved to see Elisa take a second helping.  It is funny how she and I deal with stress differently.  When I am stressed out, I eat and don’t sleep.  Granted I always eat and rarely sleep, even during good times; however, when stressed it is even more so.  Elisa is the opposite.  She will get under enough blankets to create a furnace like atmosphere and go to sleep, but getting her to eat is very difficult.  I guess that is why she made me go take a nap today and I told her that if she didn’t eat I would punch her in the nose.

After Julia and Elisa left to go home with Logan, I started blabbing on and on about different inconsequential things from my day.  I think at first my babbling was grating on his nerves (as it does with many others), but he eventually started engaging in my conversation a little, so that was good.  I am hoping that tomorrow is a better day for him, and hopefully he will feel like playing with his mama a little bit.  He has always been a mama’s boy, and the sooner that he can reengage with her, the better.

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***This portion of the entry was written a couple of hours after all the rest.  **********

It appears that the morphine is wearing off because Cole is not so mushy any more.  He started to really talk a lot more.  He also moved his head back to the center position.  Ever since he came out of surgery yesterday, his head has been turned to the left.  Part of the procedure involved something with a very small incision in the right side of his neck (forgot to ask the surgeon what that part was, but hopefully I can remember tomorrow.)  so he had his head turned away from that side.  All day today he did not want to move it.  Not sure if it tightened up overnight, but he said it hurt.  He is definitely coming out of his morphine stupor.  Glad to have my kid back. 

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We spoke to Dr. Taggart today about the future and what to expect.  It was a very difficult meeting but there were a few rays of hope.  I still can’t make myself use the “C” word, but (thanks to my military training and many years working in restaurants), have been able to give the bastard inside my baby a whole bunch of other names.  I will spare you the exact names so as to not have to put a restricted age warning on this, but you get the idea.

I know that I have to eventually use the word, because as Dumbeldore tells us, fearing the name of evil only gives it more power.  I think that my hold up is that final piece of hope that rests in the fact that the 100% certain final diagnosis has not come in yet.  That being said; however, we are moving forward with the assumption that Dr. Taggart’s (the oncologist that is very nice, and we feel very comfortable with her.  The Midwest accent notwithstanding) suspicions are correct.

Please hope and pray, but for now please raise your glasses and toast Cole, the most excellent elementary school teacher.